mikeljason's Datingish

Did You See That?

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:25:38 GMT

Sometimes when you walk around, or hang out, or just leave the house you see people. People that look so hot and so good it gets you to thinking about dating and all the fun stuff that goes along with it. It's pretty common to just be out and about and see someone who looks so good it gets you to thinking all sorts of PG13 - X rated thoughts. That's normal. No harm no foul, but when it is too much? When does it become a problem? I live in New York City so I knew it was becoming a bit of a problem when I'd ride my bike around and narrowly miss getting hit by a car cause I was paying more attention to a girl in a nice dress than the ton of speeding metal and plastic hurdling my way . But still what can you do? I mean yeah you could just not look,but really who wants to go out like that?. Or you could occupy your mind with taskS and errands,but really it's kind of hard not see the sun in the day, no matter what kind of shade tree you're under. In other words there are very few distractions that can stop me from looking at attractive women, when I notice them.
But still I wonder if this is a bit too much. Am I dreaming my life away with all the women I see on the street ,while not trying to make stronger connections with the real women in my life There are women that I know who are beautiful and fun, but I'm scared to give them a shot, scared of the rejection and the initial awkwardness.
I mean it's always easier to gawk on the street at strangers than to do the hard work relationships take, but does that mean it's better?

Wow, She's so cool, which means I'd never date her.

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 16:06:32 GMT

I'm gonna make a guess here that everyone wants to be with a 'cool' S.O.. Of course personal definitions of 'cool' vary but folks want to date someone he or she will get along with, shares things in common with, and who they just really like.
There are tons of reasons why finding that is so hard, but the bigger question I think is, why once you find that person it's,so so hard to admit to your self that you're kind of crushing on your new friend?
For the past few weeks I've been hanging out with my upstairs neighbor and her friends who all live in our neighborhood. And for the past couple of weeks I've been noticing more and more that I'm starting to really like my new friends. Like really really like them, and now I'm pretty convinced that I'm crushing. Straight crushing on this really smart, really nice, incredibly beautiful woman. So why does that worry me? Why am I fighting liking someone who is single, I get along swimmingly with, and is so very close to me both in proximity and philosophically? Yesterday we're sitting in her living room watching MAD MEN, talking, laughing, just hanging out and having fun, and it was so comfortable and just so nice, but there is always this feeling of anxiety that I get like how long is this going to last? How long before one of us does something the other one does not like. It's so weird feeling like that. I don't usually feel that way around people especially people that are so nice and that I like. So here I am chilling with a girl who is totally my type of girlfriend material.,and I want to ask her to get married(sorta), but I'm too scared that me liking her will ruin everything, including our friendship. What should I do here? Have you ever been in a situation where you get a crush on your friend and get stuck?

Not to String you along but

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 21:51:16 GMT

Often times my friends and I get a bit conflicted when it comes to one particular aspect of da ting. The question of weather to wifey up(start a real relationship) a potential S.O., or just try and have as much fun as you can before moving on(strings attached style)?
Deciding between the two options can make us a bit hesitant about getting involved. Sure there are pros for each scenario. When you wifey up you have a partner, a lover and a friend, and the relationship is built on a solid foundation. When you go out with a no strings attached frame of mind, things are spontaneous, fun, and electric in a who cares we're having fun kind of way. The cons are there for both methods as well. With a wifey you have to be responsible and ,real, true, compromise and adult. Which can all be big drags. Of Course with no strings attached, it's just that. Your feeling ,if you put in any(by accident of course) don't matter and the whole relationship is built on two people's separate choices,which may not be the same or may actually be total opposite. /
I've done both. At one point I was emotionally there and in love, and my G.F felt the same,but it ended, and it was hard. At one point I was hanging out with this girl who was not my G.F,but it was cool and lots of Fun. Thing is, when it ended, it hurt too. Maybe not quite as much, but enough to make ask the question. Which is better a relationship where strings are attached or a relationship with no strings anywhere?

Christian Sex Rules

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 18:18:56 GMT

When one thinks of threesomes, oral sex,or anal sex Christianity is not usually the next thought to pop in your head. But really the two can coexist and be totally OK with one another or so says Sex in Christ, a website with the mission of debunking misconceptions about sexuality in Christian terms, and getting to the facts of what the actual scriptures in the Bible say and do not say about them.
It's a pretty revolutionary idea for many Christians to think of threesomes, oral sex, or anal sex as not dirty or perverted, but instead as more gifts from God for our pleasure. A quick read of questions and answer page gives Biblical reference for these acts and a ton more. What do you think? Is it OK for a Christian to engage in these and other acts if the Bible or God's word has nothing bad to say about them?

Cheating..taken to a new level

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 16:46:35 GMT

Cheating in a relationship is one of those deal breaker kind of offenses. Sure you can get past his annoying friends or her need to tell you everything that happened on last night's episode of Gossip Girl. But once the other one has cheated feelings just change . And when the cheater cheated on you with someone of same the sex the woes just get deeper.
When my girlfriend of about four years told me, that she wanted to sleep with other women, as you might imagine, the idea of my live-in G.F. getting it on with another woman , was both scary and a bit titillating. On the one hand here is my hot girlfriend making passionate and jaw droppingly beautiful love to another hot girl. On the other hand here is my lovely girlfriend getting it on with someone who is not me and destroying everything we've been trying to build together.
At first she hinted around asking me if I'd ever thought about the two of us having a threesome with another women? I was surprised she'd brought up the topic,but excited she at the same time. I knew at that point that this was either going to turn out really really well or it was going to be the down fall our boyfriend/girlfriend era. I told her sure I was game so she went on to take the necessary steps to try and find a third i.e. looking for someone on the interweb. Days turned to weeks and I asked her how our threesome search was going, and that when a funny thing happened. All the "our" and "we" had turned to "me" and "I".
It was then that I realized my girlfriend was not looking for someone for both of us, but some one for herself.
"NO, NO" she would tell me I want to do this with you, but her actions didn't match her words. She started to have all these new friends. Friends she didn't' want me to talk to, friends who she only meet up with at odd times of the night or random places.
After a few months, yes, I said months, of this I had to ask "What was up?. "Well, I'm just into this".' Into what I asked?" "I'm not these women" and like that our threesome turned into her new twosome. She then let me know that she wanted to date women and had no more use for me. The blow to my ego and self esteem was pretty big, but what hurt just as much was knowing that'd I'd given her permission to see what was out there. Search around and find something new, without even realizing it. If you've ever been cheated on, do you think that your actions or inactions gave your S.O. permission to cheat on you?

Holla Back

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 21:22:08 GMT

So everyone knows what it means to holla right? If not it's ok just click the word for the definition. Basically when someone HOLLAS at another person it's a way saying I'm interested in you sexually. I'd like to hook with you. Fair enough, but really does it work? I mean what person is going to be interested in someone yelling at them from across the way? I've seen lots of guys HOLLA at girls on the street. Honestly, I'm always embarrassed for the dudes HOLLARIN' cause it kind of makes them look like jack-asses. Don't get me wrong, if you like what you see and want to purse more power to you. But I mean come on the HOLLA has no class. And really do women like to be HOLLERED at? All the ones I've ever talked about it with sure kinda hate it...like a lot. So does the HOLLA ever work,? And who does it work on? Riddle me that won't you please.

From the X to the next back to the X ???

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 20:18:11 GMT

I've asked the question before how long is long enough to stay in a rocky relationship?
From what I can tell there really is no right or wrong answer. All things depend on the situation and more importantly the people in the situation. But once the break has been made and the storms have cleared, is alright to go back and see what it was that got you interested in your X in the first place? Is it alright to date an X?
Break ups can be painful injuries that leave and scars and wounds. Scars and wounds heal with time,but not if you go back and pick at them, right? But often times absence makes the heart grow fonder. In other words sometimes you don't know what you've got till it's gone. So is it an absolute rule, ' You should NEVER date an X!', been there done that, or is up for debate?
I know I've been on both sides of this issue before. Sometimes it's so much easier to be done and rid or an X. Let it all go. My girlfriends that I'd not dated for too long or had secret ill will for from the very beginning are always so much easier to let out of my life.But what about the former S.O. who had it all. Attractive, smart, understood, and loved you. It's a much tougher time letting those get away. But the two of you went out and it didn't work out,for whatever reasons. Is it best to let sleeping dogs lie, or is that what true love is all about ....a 2nd chance?

Where do you go?

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:25:58 GMT

Right, so the world is full of places to go, and people to meet. That's most definitely true. So why does it seem so hard to find or meet the right person to date or kick it with. Is it a matter of missed connections or simply looking for love in all the wrong places. And what determines the places you look for someone to date? Age? Occupation? Interests? How does it work for you, or does it?

All Hail the Wing

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 15:59:20 GMT

Because dating is as much about biology ,evolution, and survival of the fittest as it is about anything else there are subtle rules and ways men try to better their odds at a potential mate. Now obviously I can't spill all the beans here, that just wouldn't be fair ,but I am going to talk about the idea of a wingman.
Usually the idea goes something like this. Two or more men are out on the hunt if you will, looking for suitable prey. Depending on a guy's preference and a his environment he may have lots of options or just a very few. So to maximize his chances of successfully getting what he wants, he and a friend may work together. For example,while he is dancing with the lady he likes , his friend(wingman) may listening to a boring story or talking to that lady's friend, or the two of them may work something like a tag team doubling up on wit, charm, and jokes to better their chances with a group of women. It's not a new technique and it's been a proven device that works rather well,but most men don't think about using a wingwoman.
A wing-woman is like her male counterpart in just about every way except she is a woman, not a man and can be more subtle or under the radar. She may help him to seem more desirable not by cracking jokes with him,but because her hanging out with him tells other women that he is not a scumbag or scary. It say hey this is a guy who is OK.
Other women see that this guy is hanging out with another woman so their anxieties and defenses are lowered., and this guy has a better chance of putting his best foot forward without being hemmed up by the slings and arrows of rejection that can befall such events. Also because she is a women, she likely has friends she may introduce him to as well so his pool of possibilities is enlarged by knowing and hanging out with his wingwoman.
There are some obstacles to having this wingwoman phenomenon happen though. Sometimes as men we are unable to think into the future, and we let our short term needs get in the way of our long term goals. For instance instead of going out and looking for a woman who we would want to befriend for many reasons,besides wingwoman just possibilities. Men tend to be on the prowl which can turn a lot could be friendly situations into hostile ones. The concept of befriending an attractive, cool woman just for friend's sake is one that is foreign to many men, but one that is a little nugget of gold to not forget and keep around for both rainy and sunny days.
This concept holds true fro women having wingmen as well. The subtleties hold true across the gender line. As a man I can say a woman who is with a male friend is not as threatening or hard to approach as one with all girlfriends in a pack.
The thing is one has to make sure that a wingwoman or wingman is just that,and not a B.F. or G.F., cause then things get messy ,and messy like that is never any fun.
Do you have a wing-woman or wing-man? Is it helpful or do you do better on you own?

Dating Do's

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 21:37:57 GMT

Life is full of rules and regulations do's and don'ts if you will. Here are a few first date do's:
1 Dates should be affordable- This is the first meeting to see if the two of you are gonna work out for fun together, leave the lavish affairs and expensive trimming till later, when you know "Yes we're gonna work for fun together just fine."
2 Find a place with talkable space- Nothing is worse that shouting at one another because it's so loud you can't hear each other. This is a first date where you can get deeper than just causal party-talk conversation with each other. Take the opportunity to talk and maybe even more importantly listen to what he or she is saying to you.
3 Keep it Comfortable- Sure who does not want to look super dope on the first date,but if the two of you decide to take a nice long walk wouldn't you rather be comfortable in the shoes you've already broken in, rather than miserable in those hot new ones?
4 Make the 1st Date location easy to find- This way the two of you can focus on having fun together instead of navigating how to get there. If all goes well they'll be time for heavier adventures later.
5.Allow for time to interact- Activities are fun and learning new things on dates together is great, but being able to laugh, talk, or reflect on the movie the two of you just saw, or the lesson in cooking the two of you just got is where the gold is really at